Time present and time past

So, it’s been, like, forever since I last blogged, eh? Well, the muse hasn’t quite been with me this term, I’m afraid – as I explained to a friend, when it gets to the point where you’re listening to Joni Mitchell’s lyrics and thinking “Yeah, damn right…” it’s time to reevaluate life just a teeny bit. But, hey, it could have been worse – I could have been agreeing with Leonard Cohen, right?

Anyway, I intend to backdate all the posts I have drafted over the past weeks to get them into some semblance of chronological order, so in years to come (when, of course, I will have achieved cult status for my lucid prose style and scintillating wit), no-one will ever know there was this unpardonable hiatus… Historical revisionism? Perhaps. But it has a good pedigree; consider the following from Bede, discussing the apostate kings of Northumbria:

Infaustus ille annus et omnibus bonis exosus usque hodie permanet, tam propter apostassiam regum Anglorum qua se fidei sacramentis exuerant, quam propter vesanam Bretonici regis tyrannidem. unde cunctis placuit regum tempora computantibus, ut ablata de medio regum perfidorum memoria, idem annus sequentia regis, id est, Osualdi, viri deo dilecti regno adsignaretur.

You all understood that, right? So, if Bede rewrote history, surely it can’t be so terrible for me to do so too?

Teach us to sit still

The BBC website seems designed to provide me with things to whinge about! The latest is that schools in Glasgow are offering free iPods and other incentives to make children eat healthily. They complain that, otherwise, the kids will just be off down to MacDonald's. Well, maybe I'm old, but when I was in school there was no way we were allowed off the grounds without a teacher, certainly not to pop down to the village chip shop for a deep-fried Mars Bar! The reason we have different words for "child" and "adult" is that these are two separate, though related, categories of person. The child needs guidance, and needs to be "trained" into good habits, such as politeness, respect, and healthy eating. That guidance should come from the parents first and foremost, with the backing of the school. This should not be a question of "if you behave as we would expect you to behave, we will reward you", but rather "if you do not behave as we would expect you to behave, we will take sanctions". I do believe in positive encouragement for children, as it helps them to learn, but to spend education budget money on bribes for healthy eating is absurd, as is the scheme that was introduced to pay children to stay in school. What needs to happen is for society to begin valuing education and educators, so that children will grow up believing in their value too.

That said, in order for this to happen, the education system really needs to pull its socks up. You can't expect a child to respect someone just because they're a teacher, if that person does not respect the child in return. This is difficult, when the children come in with no respect or value for what they're doing, and in some cases prepared to use violence against their teachers. But I experienced teachers who told me that I was useless, would never make it to University (two degrees form Oxford later, and another in the running, I have to feel a little smug), was a burden on the school (having participated in every choir, drama group, public speaking competition they asked me to), etc. I know of teachers who have told children they belong in the gutter, who use their classroom as a forum for expressing their repugnant homophobic or racist views... I could go on. This kind of behaviour is unacceptable. Good teachers know how to admonish without resorting to insult. Unfortunately, even good teachers are let down by bad schools, bad curricula, bad inspectorates...

Is there a solution to this problem? Or is our society just too far stuck in the rut to ever return to a basic decent standard of behaviour from children and education from schools?

Our impudent crimes

I found this article in the Guardian very interesting. Apparently (and let's forget, for the moment, lies, damned lies, and statistics), about 85% of people believe that "life should mean life". It's difficult to know what to say about such a thing. On the one hand, it seems rational that this should be the case, but the argument is often that this would leave no incentive for criminals in prison to reform. Do we believe that prison should be merely punitive, or that it should attempt to rehabilitate inmates? My view is that those who commit crimes forfeit their right to be treated as full members of society because they have shown themselves to have no respect for the rules and expectations of society. But even this is too simplistic a view, because it assumes that everyone in a British prison is there justly, and that their crime was committed in the knowledge of the law and with the wilful intention of violating it. The Universal Declaration of Human Rights guarantees everyone the right to life, liberty and security of person. Thank God we don't have the fear of the legal ability to deprive individuals of life in Britain. But to put someone in prison is surely to deny them the latter two rights? Is this a case of the greatest good for the greatest number, ensuring the freedoms of the many by incarcerating those who would threaten it? Or is there some other legal or moral way to explain this? I'd be very grateful for answers, if anyone has any...

In other news, I attended the Human Rights Discussion Group in the law faculty here today, and it was absolutely inspiring. The speakers looked at the question of whether cours have the right to overturn legislation on the basis that it denies human rights. I shan't go into the argument, though, as I'd almost certainly make a hash of it!

Goonight...

That is not what I meant at all (Part IV)

For the first time in a while, I've been using my dictation software while writing notes for my next chapter. This, of course, provides ample opportunities for intriguing errors, especially where slightly technical terms are involved. Hence the following...

Mexico and illiterate patterns = metrical and alliterative patterns
bodily poll-stations = bodily pulsations
Hezbollah's dictionary point = ...whose illocutionary point

One day, I swear I will write a book about Anglo-Saxon poetics, only in order to title it "Mexico and illiterate patterns"! More of these to come, no doubt, as I continue writing.

On the same subject, I've recently bought a couple of books which have had me rolling on the floor laughing.

One is called "The Joys of Engrish" and documents the interesting English used in Japanese marketing and signs. For instance... a biohazard sign reading "It supposed to help all the people it supposed to make them happy but we got to recognize it danger"; a College schedule announcing "Very F***ing English Lesson" (without the asterisks); socks marked "Soft and Worm"; a cheese menu offering "Roguefart"; and a toilet sign: "LAVATORY: It has separated into the male and the woman. Don't mistake".
(For more, visit engrish.com, and see also fahruz.org for Flancais and other languages too...)

The other is a further offering from Private Eye, "Mediaballs 2" - while not as amusing, in my view, as the straight Colemanballs, this still has moments of brilliance. A French newspaper welcomes "Le prince Charles et Camilla Parker-Bowels"; the Liverpool Echo gives an account of a church's "Ted Deum window"; and a quiz-show contestant sincerely believes that Jesus was betrayed by his disciple, Solomon. This book is, however, most worth buying for the short but gem-like "Pseuds Corner" section devoted to birth announcements. What can you do with parents who will name their child "Mimi Magenta Poodle"?

The army of unalterable law

Who'd have thought that an Oxford professor could have designed himself such an excellent website? I know John Gardner only by reputation (which is quite impressive enough) but a lawyer who can cook has to be a good thing, eh?

So, what else? I've been having an argument about biblical inerrancy which I have now realised was completely futile in the face of utter obstinacy. (Not something of which I've ever been accused myself, of course...) If only Anglo-Saxon literature had any real arguments left in it - not just the dating of Beowulf or what the word "cellod" means, but some honest-to-goodness life-or-death debates. I'm going to have to become a lawyer, you know. Ironic to have parents who try to talk me out of a well-paid and prestigious career where I can spend a large proportion of my time wearing a suit and the rest reading books. Do I romanticize, I ask myself?

My housemates are still ridiculously good looking. It keeps me in my place.

Can't you stop that horrible noise?

The people over the road are having a party. I'm not a complete misanthrope, and so this does not, per se, cause me any kind of existential angst. Unfortunately, however, it does coincide with the maintainence bods having come and fixed all the radiators in our house. It's now like living in a sauna and, despite this being early October, I am forced to sleep with both my windows open and no pyjamas. (Sorry for the unfortunate mental image, but sometimes these things have to be said). Today came a minor breakthrough, as I worked out how to turn off the radiator in my room, thus reducing the temperature from Saharan to merely tropical. Thank heavens for small mercies.

In other news, I had my first rehearsal with a new choir today, and I think I acquitted myself relatively well. The problem with being Welsh, though, is that one carries the burden of one's entire race, musically speaking. We are simply expected to sing well, just as the French are expected to make love well, the Italians are expected to make food well, the English are expected to make complaints well, and the Canadians... Erm... Anyone?...