The Joy of Tech

Everything is logged. I was going to go to sleep a few hours ago. Then I realised that Skype probably still has logs of all the chats I had with my ex. So I just searched them out and re-read them all. Now I'm feeling really happy and ready for a peaceful night's sleep. Except it's half past four in the a.m., so a night's sleep is out of the question anyway.

Today I was accused of evangelising. I wasn't, and no-one in their right mind would think that telling a story about an idiotic thing someone said in Church equals an attempt at forcible conversion. But it bothers me how upset I am at the accusation. I feel dirty, as though I've been accused of sexual molestation or something. I don't want to evangelise people. I don't want to spread the good news. I think Christianity has become an intellectual exercise for me. Knotty theological questions are just ways of keeping my brain active - what ingenious bullshit answer can I come up with this time? Plus I'm a junkie for love and attention, and God is the ultimate indulgent parent. Never mind plausibility, tell me that someone loves me and I'm theirs for life. Which is a problem when they change their mind, but God never changes his mind.

Though, as Shania Twain once said, "that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night".