A letter to my landlords' cat
Dear Moppet,
Since I came to live here, you and I have become great friends. We chat about current events and the price of cheese, and you are very attentive about grooming me when you think I need it. (N.B. Some humans find being licked a little disconcerting. Strange, I know, but you may encounter some resistance even if they clearly need to be cleaned.) In return for your attentions, I feed you when your parents are away, and give you limitless cuddles. This has been a remarkably satisfying arrangement for us both, I think.
I was, therefore, quite surprised that you felt you had to provide me with further proof of your friendship today. Leaving a small gift for me in the kitchen was so terribly thoughtful of you, and I was quite distracted from my original intention of making lunch when I saw it. Having admired it (and the feathers it shed over the entire floor) for a suitable amount of time, I scooped it up reverentially into a top-quality Primark plastic bag, and deposited it as a suitable offering for the Oxford City Council sanitation workers. You will find, next time you visit the kitchen, no trace left of your sweet gift; I knew you would not want others to see evidence of your generosity.
In conclusion, I must say how glad I am that we have become friends, and that there is really no need for any more gifts. You should save them for when your parents return.
With love,
EJ
Since I came to live here, you and I have become great friends. We chat about current events and the price of cheese, and you are very attentive about grooming me when you think I need it. (N.B. Some humans find being licked a little disconcerting. Strange, I know, but you may encounter some resistance even if they clearly need to be cleaned.) In return for your attentions, I feed you when your parents are away, and give you limitless cuddles. This has been a remarkably satisfying arrangement for us both, I think.
I was, therefore, quite surprised that you felt you had to provide me with further proof of your friendship today. Leaving a small gift for me in the kitchen was so terribly thoughtful of you, and I was quite distracted from my original intention of making lunch when I saw it. Having admired it (and the feathers it shed over the entire floor) for a suitable amount of time, I scooped it up reverentially into a top-quality Primark plastic bag, and deposited it as a suitable offering for the Oxford City Council sanitation workers. You will find, next time you visit the kitchen, no trace left of your sweet gift; I knew you would not want others to see evidence of your generosity.
In conclusion, I must say how glad I am that we have become friends, and that there is really no need for any more gifts. You should save them for when your parents return.
With love,
EJ
posted by EJ at 2:25 pm
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