Wrestle with words and meanings

How can my Latin primer keep a straight face (books have faces, don't you know?) when giving me, as an example of the vocative, "O, puer magne!", translating this as "O, big boy!"? Well, I suppose I'll know what to say next time I'm trying to get a Classicist into bed... "C'mere, puer magne!"

Just to warn you, there is a law, which states that communal kitchens and fridges have to stink. A refinement of this law proves that, the greater the number of students (particularly those below the age of twenty-five) who use said kitchen and fridge, the worse will be the smell. My kingdom for a clean kitchen!